Belonging

When my six-year-old daughter came home from school this past Friday it was obvious that something was on her mind. My wife and I asked her about her day and we heard the usual answers, but then she finally blurted out what it was that was bothering her. It seems as if some of the other girls in her first grade class formed a club and when she asked to be in it they said no. In fact, by the time they went outside for recess it seems that all of the other girls were in the club except for her. She was told by the ringleader that she couldn't play with the rest of the girls in the club, so my daughter played on her own.

When she told me that I immediately had two distinct reactions. First, I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. I hurt for my daughter and wanted to hug her (which I did) and protect her for the rest of her days on earth. Then I felt angry. I had a mind to drive down to that school, find the parents of that punk kid who was the ringleader of that girls' club, and then...well, I didn't know what I would do but whatever it was I was sure gonna do it.

As we have watched our two grade school age children grow up and mature into adolescents, my wife and I have encouraged them to be who they are, not who others want them to be. We tell them that they need to be leaders and not followers, the kind of girls that honor God and set a Christlike example. Yet when either of them are excluded from being a part of a group it hurts not just them but it hurts us as parent. Part of my desire for them not to fake who they are stems from the fact that I did almost anything I could to fit in when I was in high school and college. When I graduated from college and moved on in my life, I had a huge identity crisis. I really don't want my children to feel like they need to stoop to the same levels that I did even it means the popular group won't accept them.

You may read this and think, "It's horrible how cruel kids can be to each other. Every child should feel as if they belong." I agree with that. But here's another issue to ponder: How come much of what I've already written about in this post is common to the kingdom of God? Why is it that Sunday mornings are the most segregated hours in America? How come socioeconomic groups don't mix all that well in the body of Christ and visitors can sit through a service without so much as a hello from those around them? If you are going to feel as if you belong, shouldn't church be one of those places that should be true?

I'll never forget a story that my seminary evangelism professor Dr. Alvin Reid told one day while teaching our class. He was sharing with us how he was saved during the Jesus Movement of the early 1970's. Once he gave his life to Christ he plugged into a local church where he worshiped with fellow believers and began to grow deeply in his faith. Dr. Reid recalled a time on a Sunday morning when, after the service had already gotten underway, the back doors opened and everyone turned to see a few hippies walk into the church, finding a spot on a back pew. They were dirty and sloppily dressed, standing in stark contrast to the spit and shined members of the congregation. He could tell their presence was creating quite a stir. Shortly after they entered one of the pastors approached the pulpit to make an announcement and extend a welcome. He said something to the effect of these words: "For those of you who took the time to dress neatly and clean yourselves up before coming here today, we want to welcome you." No sooner did the final syllables fall off of his tongue, a young Dr. Reid heard the back doors shutting announcing the hasty exit of these young men.

I'll never forget that story for it's a vivid reminder of how important it is that the body of Christ exists as a unified body for the glory of God. When people walk into the doors of our churches for the first time they often want two questions answered before they head for home: "Am I wanted?" and "Am I needed?" In other words, people want to know if they belong with us. If you have any doubt as to that answer then I encourage you to read the gospels again. Jesus reached out to the beggars, the sinners, the hippies of His day. He would probably be appalled with a righteous indignation if He could see some of the favoritism and pandering that goes on in His church today. The next time you gather together with fellow believers for worship and fellowship, make it a point to look beyond your own group to see if others are looking to see if this a place where they can belong. If it's not, then take them by the hand and find another place to worship.