You know this person I am about to write about. In fact, you
may actually be this person and are unaware that you are. Who am I talking
about? The person who sucks the life right out of you, the one who demands more
time than you can give and lets you know if you have not catered to his or her
needs enough, that’s who.
Now before you dismiss this as crass and insensitive,
reserve your judgment for a few moments. I don’t believe that there is a church
(or civic organization or school PTA or recreation sports league or community
group for that matter) that has been spared from at least one individual who
demanded that she get most of the attention. She dominates the conversations.
He insists that you listen to his views before anyone else. She dismisses what
you have to say as trivial and out of touch. He does not think you are paying
enough attention to his child as a leader/mentor/coach/teacher. She always has
an opinion and is not afraid to share it. Even if you wanted to ignore what he
is saying, his voice is so loud you can’t tune him out.
Now do you know who I’m talking about? I call this person
the time hoarder.
For time hoarders enough is never enough, and if you are in
a position of leadership then you understand how difficult it is to balance the
already limited amount of time that you have. It’s a struggle to manage your
own schedule, so how do you respond to that man or woman who insists that you
cater to their needs before those of any other?
You learn to manage their time for them.
What does that mean? Am I saying that you grab their daily
planner and chart the course for each day for them? No, but it would be awesome
if you could because then you could make sure that you are not on their
schedule! Managing a time hoarder means that you help them to honor your
schedule when they are seeking out your time.
Here’s how this might look. Mary is an anxious mother who
finds all sorts of things to worry about with her middle school son Sean. If
she sees a suspicious looking doodle on his notebook or the name of a friend
and phone number on a slip of paper of a friend she does not know, she
automatically shifts into overbearing mode and wants to know every detail of,
well, everything. Mary comes to you because, as Sean’s youth minister, you are
supposed to figure this out. What it is that you are supposed to do isn’t quite
clear yet, but Mary wants to make sure that you are up to date with all of the
information that you need so that you can properly lead her son.
There have been numerous Wednesday evenings when you were
the last one out of the church building again because Mary needed to unload a
new list of information on you. Do you remember that day trip to the mountains
that you planned last fall? The one where you sent home enough information
about to run a small factory? Mary called you at least three times asking the
same questions about the same details that you had already given to her. If
there is a bad question to ask or an inopportune time to ask it, Mary surely
isn’t aware of it.
So it’s Saturday night at your home and since there are no
football or basketball games being played, Saturday night in your home is
family night. That means homemade pizza, popcorn, and a movie. There is no
other night of the week quite like Saturday because it’s the one time during
the week that you and your spouse and your kids can all be together without any
other obligations pulling at you. Just as you are serving slices of pizza
dripping with cheese, your cell phone rings. Because you are a leader in your
church, you always check to see who is calling you just in case another church
leader needs to get important information to you. When you look at the caller
ID you draw back in horror. It’s Mary! What do you do?
Quickly your mind races through every scenario. Perhaps it
really is an emergency and she needs you to come to the hospital because Sean
has been in a horrible accident. Or maybe she found out that her sister has
cancer and she needs someone from the church to come over and pray with the
family for a miracle. But more than likely, Mary is calling you because she
wants to know who is going to chaperone the next youth event even though you
have already given her a full list of names. Do you chance it and answer the
phone?
Please understand that I believe with all of my heart that
ministry is about people. First and foremost, it’s about the person of Jesus
who always seemed to have time for everybody. And if Jesus could stare down
exhaustion and heal one more person and deliver one more sermon, then we can
certainly go the extra mile to be there when people are in the deepest of
crises. But let’s be honest with each other – there are those time hoarders
whose only crisis is their next individual need. You need a strategy do manage
their time with you so that they don’t manage your time for you, so let’s put a
strategy in place.
First, identity the
time hoarders in your life. This should not be too hard. After all, it has
probably only taken you a matter of weeks to figure out who it is that demands
most of your time and attention. When you identify the time hoarders around you
then you will know how to handle the situations that they bring your way.
Second, seek
discernment from the Lord. Jesus seemingly had time for everyone, but you
aren’t Jesus. You need all the help you can get from the Lord when it comes to
leading people. Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment for those specific
people that have the propensity to chew up your schedule and drain the life out
of you. Also, preach the gospel to yourself. Jesus extends grace to us, so we
must extend grace to others even when we know that we must be firm with them.
The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for us reminds us of how we are to lay down
our own lives and interests for those of others. Seeking discernment from the
Lord will let you know when you need to give that extra time even to a time
hoarder.
Third, establish
boundaries that you do not allow them to cross. When that person who hoards
your time starts in on you again, set a mental timer in your head and know when
the alarm needs to sound. In other words, set a time limit with a time hoarder
and stick to it. You don’t have to be rude to them in doing this, just up front
and firm. Let them know that you value their time and that you most certainly
want to help them in their situation but that you have other obligations that
are pressing on you as well. Make sure that you do get back to them but do so
in a manner that does not rope you in to a more lengthy time-consuming
conversation (i.e., send them an email or call them on the phone). Just because
someone else does not respect your time does not mean that you have to let them
dictate your time for you.
Fourth, be okay with
not being accessible 24/7. Yes, I know that you need to be available for
any situation that arises within your ministry, but you don’t necessarily have
to accessible. When Mary calls you during family night supper, let her leave
you a message. If it’s truly an emergency then you will do what needs to be
done, but more likely than not she is asking a question that can be answered
the next day when you see her at church. Should you choose to pick up the phone
and allow her to drain you of your valuable family time, then you will most
certainly put a damper on much needed time with your family.
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