Redeeming Your Time

Free time. Anybody know what that is anymore? I know I am not alone in wishing I had more time each day to “get things done” and enjoy more down time for myself. Remember when you were a kid and complained to your folks about being bored all the time? Don’t you crave a little more boredom in your life right now? Someone once said that you don’t make time to do the things you want to do, rather you gotta make the best use of the time that you’ve been given. Good advice, if you have the time to take it.

But all of us at some point will find ourselves with extra time on our hands that we have the privilege to fill with, well, whatever we want. It might be while you are on vacation or the kids are away at camp or you are recovering from a medical procedure at home. Whatever the circumstance, this gift of extra free time comes with challenges of its own, namely, “What in the world are you gonna do with yourself?”

The challenge the I have with this kind of time is that I want it to be meaningful and productive. Now I’m not talking about building an addition to my house or earning another degree over the weekend, but rather avoiding the trap that idle time can bring. What is idle time? Simply put, when you have nothing to do and no plan for filling it, idle time will lead you down all sorts of unfulfilling paths.

Have you ever had a break at school or work and found yourself mindlessly scrolling through social media the entire time? Or how many times have you flipped through every channel on the TV or every movie option on Netflix and still can’t find one to watch? How long did that take? The challenge that we have with extra time on our hands is that we believe it exists only for our entertainment, so we seek to fill it with shows and movies and events that we believe will fulfill us, yet in the end most of it really doesn’t. Idle time will do that to you.

Here is the problem when we believe that the solution to idle time is to feed it with entertainment: We starve our souls. I’m not saying that binging a show or checking up on your friend’s latest post is wrong — I do that too. But if you were given a portion of time that was all yours to navigate, would you choose to feed your soul with that time or simply throw it away with useless activities that you probably won’t even remember tomorrow?

Time is always of the essence as they say, so when you get that window of time, make a plan for what you are going to do with it. Sounds exciting, huh? But seriously, grab that book you’ve been wanting to read and read it. Got a good place to watch the sunrise or sunset? Then get yourself a front row seat and take it all in. Listen to a podcast that stimulates your sense of adventure and helps you to grow. Learn to play the ukulele. Is there a project you’ve been putting off? Trust me, when you plan it out and put it on the calendar during some free time, you will actually be pretty excited to jump in.

Time is something that, when it is gone, you can never get back. Our world screams for more and more of our time, and usually what it offers in return is about as valuable as an early 1980’s floppy disc. Time is God’s gift to us. Spend it wisely with each other and on things that honor Him. So, what are you gonna do today?

“Redeem the time, because the days are evil.”  — Ephesians 5:16

Broken bones, but not broken dreams

This is what a broken and dislocated forearm on a 9-year-old girls looks like. Unfortunately this belongs to my youngest daughter, Emme, who accomplished this after trying to catch herself from hitting the floor after falling off the balance beam at gymnastics. Accidents happen - and sometimes they really hurt! - but sometimes they affect more than just your physical well-being.

If you watch sports or have a child who plays sports or were an athlete yourself, then you know that injuries are often part of the game. Not everyone experiences bone-crushing fractures or career-ending injuries - most of the time it's knocks and bumps and the occasional bruise. But there are those moments where you watch an athlete's future dissipate before his or her eyes by an injury that prohibits them from coming back. And that is hard to watch.

As someone who has never really experienced any of this in the athletic arena, I've often wondered what it's like to receive the crushing news from a doctor or trainer that you might not be able to compete at the same level again. Even if you are just a weekend warrior and enjoy recreational sports leagues - which are awesome, by the way - I am sure that not being able to play at the same level as you once did can be frustrating if not even depressing.

So as I watched my budding young gymnast lie on the ground in obvious pain, my primary focus was making sure that she was okay and taken care of. But then as we were riding in the ambulance to the hospital, the inevitable thoughts came into my mind - Will she be able to do gymnastics again? And even if the physical healing is 100%, will she want to jump on that beam again after what happened? Will she even want to?

Sure, she's pretty new to the sport, but she is incredibly driven and has big dreams - she's already considering UCLA and Alabama for college because, according to her, "They have the best gymnastics teams." And she recently joined a team that will begin competition soon, which she has been working really hard to be ready for. How would she respond to the fact that even if she does make a full recovery it will still be months before she is able to even attempt the kind of moves she was doing before the accident? And what about us as parents - how will we help her through the potential disappointment of not being able to compete, both now and perhaps in the future?

It was right then and there, as these thoughts swirled through my brain, that I realized it would not matter to me one bit if my daughter ever wanted to slip on the leotard and get back to the gym. I am proud of her for trying her best and for being so brave to try a sport that I personally find pretty scary. And then she showed us more of what she is really made of.

After surgery and a brief time in recovery, she said she was ready to go home. Once there, she read out loud all of the get well cards that her classmates sent her and then she invited her friends over to hang out. She shared her Chick-Fil-A fries with them and hung out on the couch watching cheesy Disney shows with them, making sure that they were properly entertained and cared for. When she needed help from me or my wife, she was unafraid to ask for it. She also said she didn't want the pain medication that the doctor prescribed - she didn't like how it made her feel. And not once has she complained about being in pain or the fact that it could be months before she can go back in the gym again. The only disappointment she showed was not being able to go to school tomorrow.

I gotta be honest, it's times like these when I really look up to my kids and hope I can learn from them. As an adult, it's not a broken bone that concerns me but rather the potential for my dreams to be shattered. Yet here is a nine-year-old girl who is unafraid to take what life gives her and make it into something sweet.

Sometimes our dreams aren't the dreams that God has for us and sometimes we just need a little extra time before we can see our dreams fulfilled. But regardless of the circumstances, it is up to us to determine how we will handle life's ups and downs along the way. Jesus told us not to worry (Matthew 6:33) and Paul echoed that sentiment (Philippians 4:6). And they did so not because what we experience does not affect us or is unimportant but rather because God is greater than any difficulty or struggle we could ever encounter.

Dreams are great and we should keep on striving to live the dreams that God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes life will throw a wrench in our plans and derail these dreams, even if only temporarily. But if we keep our eyes on Jesus - "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" - then we can know that regardless of the outcome that we desired, God will always give us exactly what we need - "and all of these things will be added unto you."

Taking the time, time after time

This summer has been a bit of a whirlwind for me and my family. As soon as school let out in June I took my son to soccer camp for a week. When we returned, I had two days to prepare to preach my last sermons at the church I was serving before we packed up all of our belongings and moved to Wilmington, NC. Almost immediately we had family in town all the while trying to adjust to a new environment. From there it was youth camps, another soccer camp, registering our children for their new schools, enrolling our youngest in a new gymnastics program, celebrating a sweet sixteen birthday and then going to get her license, and then serving as the speaker at a week-long high school camp. Somewhere in the midst of all of that my wife and I carved out regular time for each other so that we wouldn't be tempted to wake up one day and ask each other, "Who are you?"

Time itself is such a funny thing - we can't actually create any more than we are given in a 24-hour day but we do have the opportunity to manage the time that we do have. If we don't manage our time, then it will be more than willing to manage us! As busy as our schedules can tend to be, there will always be those quiet(er) moments in the midst of our chaos where God seeks to grab our attention in an effort to refocus us and refresh our souls.

These are moments we cannot afford to miss.

As we watch our children grow up way too fast and struggle to believe that what seemed like yesterday was actually a few years ago, my wife and I often ask ourselves, "Where did all the time go?" If our lives were wrapped up in events and achievements then I am sure that a deep-seeded depression would have set in by now. But life is more that what we can personally accomplish or what kind of a name we can make for ourselves. Life is a beautiful journey filled with people and places that impact our every step.

That being the case, what are you doing with the time that you have? Allow me to suggest a few ideas that I believe will help you manage your time in such a way as to be fulfilling and fruitful:

• Spend time with God everyday. Read the Bible. Sit in the stillness of the sunrise or sunset and contemplate His majesty. Use the time that you are driving in your car to lift up prayers and praises to Him. Don't neglect attending a church on Sunday to connect with God and His people.
• Find a special place and go there often. Each morning I strive to enjoy my coffee and time with God or a good book on my screened porch. It's quiet, peaceful, and it also allows me to spend quality time with my wife and to gather my thoughts for the day.
• Don't neglect spending time with people. Chat with your neighbors, go to dinner with friends, visit your grandparents and ask them about their childhood, or enjoy game night with your family. Avoid the temptation to let people pass by because that is when opportunities to grow and invest in others will pass you by as well.
• Find something that you love and do it often. Since I moved to the coast and discovered stand up paddle boarding, I want to be on the water as much as I can. Even though this is not a daily thing, the times that I do go out fill my cup to the brim. We all have things that we are most passionate about. Those areas certainly deserve our time.
• Enjoy a good book. Books open up a whole new world to the imagination, that is if you are willing to invest in the time to read them. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and get lost in a good book.
• Invite others to join you on errands or small tasks. Whenever I need to run to the store I usually take one of my kids along with me. Sure, I may bribe them with the promise of gum, but I have never regretted those extra moments away with them.

That's a pretty simple list, isn't it? And for the most part, engaging in those things shouldn't cause you to have to radically rearrange your schedule. In fact, once you organize your time for those activities and people that make you most come alive, you will find that including them more and more in your daily life becomes not only natural but essential. So stop making excuses and take the time because it's right there in front of you. 

Compassion is more than just a fancy word

Compassion. This is a word that is not foreign to any of us. We know what it means, or at least we think we know what it means. The word compassion comes from the Latin word compati which means "to suffer with." This means that if you have compassion on someone, then you are there suffering with them. Not from a distance or by throwing money at a cause, but right there with them. This makes compassion personal, real, difficult at times.

As I write this my oldest daughter is in the hospital in Winston-Salem getting treatment for a pretty nasty flare up of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). As I've watched her struggle through pain this weekend, it's been necessary to muster all the compassion that I can for her. Not because I don't care, but rather because I personally don't have JRA and I often don't know how to suffer with her. Yes, I can show sympathy and tell her that I care, but compassion is more than that. It's intensely personal.

Simply put, compassion is more than words. It's a coming alongside of someone and connecting with them through ugly situations in their life. It's getting dirty and not worrying about how bad the stains you receive are going to be and if they will wash out. Compassion has more to do with being unable to go any further until you've done all that you can do to meet a need. It stops you in your tracks and won't allow you to look the other way.

In Matthew 14, Jesus had compassion on a large crowd that had gathered to hear Him preach. His concern for these men and women was that they had been there with Him all day in a desolate place where there was no food for them to eat. It wasn't like they could call Domino's and order a pizza. Jesus' disciples saw what was happening and suggested that He send the people away to their own homes so that they could grab a bite to eat before it got too late, but Jesus had other things in mind. To Jesus, compassion meant owning the suffering of others, not merely offering a solution. Instead of giving this crowd good advice, He gave them something to eat. In that moment, He fed over 5,000 people with only two fish and five loaves of bread. Jesus could have sent them home. Instead, He gave all that He could give.

Look around you. How many needs do you see on a daily basis? Have you ever thought, "Man, I hope those people get the help they need"? Or maybe you've said something like, "I'm praying for you and I'm here if you need me." None of these things are inherently wrong, but they also aren't compassion unless we do what we can to meet those needs.

Compassion could be quitting your job and relocating to a low income neighborhood to run an after school center for troubled kids. Compassion might be sitting for hours with a grieving friend as they mourn the loss of loved one, crying with them and listening to their pain. Compassion is pulling alongside a student whose parents don't invest in him and giving him guidance and encouragement so that he can believe in himself and succeed. And compassion is what keeps you up at night, unable to sleep until you have figured out a way to meet the financial need of a neighbor who just lost her job.

But how much can I really do? I mean, I don't have much money to give and I've got a family of my own to care for! Those are honest concerns, yet compassion goes beyond them because compassion doesn't merely ask what can I do, but rather compassion asks, "What am I WILLING to do?" It's not how much you give but rather your willingness to give in the first place.

My favorite season is family

As I type these words, I am finishing up an awesome 24+ hour guy time marathon with my son. As soon as my son learned that my wife and daughters were going out of town overnight, he announced that it was guy time and thus far here is a list of all that we've done:

• Watched a Jason Bourne move. Actually, one and a half of them.
• Ate chicken wings and banana pudding
• Watched Wake Forest beat Boston College in basketball
• Rented the Goosebumps movie (which was surprisingly good)
• Spent time reading a book before bed
• Slept in
• Had cookies for breakfast
• Checked a book out of the library
• Made a purchase at the local candy store
• Had sushi for lunch
• And now he is in his Eno reading his library book while I type

So yeah, this has been a really good time with my son, time that I won't forget or regret taking.

Did I just say regret making time for my son? I can understand making changes in your schedule to have time for your kids but regret taking that time? Do parents really regret taking time with their kids?

No, they don't. At least they shouldn't.

I've never known a parent to say that the quality time that they have spent with their kids was a big mistake, but I have heard my share of parents express regret over not spending enough quality time with their kids. I've also heard parents say that it's difficult to make time for their kids. That's a pretty crappy excuse if you want to know the truth. We can't make time - time is a constant and we know how much we have and don't have to spend. It's a precious commodity that, once lost, can never be found again. So when it comes to the time that you have, there are only two choices that you can make:

1. You can choose to manage your time
2. Or your time will manage you

If you have kids, then I want you to think of their lives as a season, perhaps your favorite season, which for me would be summer. Each day that I get to spend with my kids is like another day of summer. But as with every season, there is an end date to it. As the end of August draws near, I begin to dread losing the warm weather, days at the beach and the pool, and the less stressful lifestyle that, for me, summer represents. I hate to see it end.

The same is true of the time that you have with your kids. Just as you long for your favorite season to last a few days or weeks longer, you will want to take advantage of every moment that you have with your kids. Yes, there will be days when your schedule is a whole lot busier than you want and your time will be consumed by work, projects, and other responsibilities that have to get done. But you will still have lots of time in the bank to what is most important. Regret only exists if we miss out on the opportunities that matter the most.

Throw-away kids

"Steven" had another bad day. That's what the school administrator told me as I sat in a comfy chair across from her desk. This young man, barely halfway through his elementary education, would be spending the next couple of days at home. Again. And no, she didn't break confidentiality by telling me his name - I actually guessed.

I was there to discuss with her ideas about using high school students after school to tutor and mentor elementary students and, before I rose to leave, I told her that if there was an immediate need that I could help with, please let me know. That was when she mentioned a student - whom I guessed to be "Steven" - who was really struggling and was facing yet another suspension from school. She called him a "throw away" kid, not because she didn't see his value (she did and she showed him much love), but rather because the rest of the world around him didn't seem to recognize it. 

Hearing this story literally broke my heart. Since I knew who he was, I asked if I could speak to the young man briefly before I left, and she called him out of class to come down to the office. I pulled "Steven" aside and told him how much worth and value his life had and that, if he even needed another advocate in his life, to please call me. I then gave him a big hug because the tears in my eyes were preventing me from saying anything else. As I watched him walk back down the hall to his class I felt a burning rising up within my soul. This young man was not a throw-away kid. He is an incredible creation of God who had yet to discover just how great he could be.

Look around you. There are these so-called throw-away kids everywhere. And the reasons for this are many. Some come from families that either cannot or will not support them, and that is tragic. Others have no role model in their lives and so they have no idea how to grow up to be a responsible man or woman. Tragically, many of these young people will continue to struggle until they either drop out of school or find themselves frequent fliers within our penal system.

If you are reading this, then you are probably envisioning a throw-away kid that you know about. Maybe you've looked upon that child with pity and tried to help or perhaps you shake your head in disgust and wonder where his or her parents are. Regardless of what your perspective is, the bigger question is, "What are you going to do about it?"

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Some see this verse as a guarantee that if you raise your kids right, then they will turn out right. I wish that was always true! What this verse is actually telling us is that if you instill the love of God and a heart for Jesus in a child, whether or not he/she grows up to follow after Him, the truths that you have seeded into their lives will never go away. They may be able to run from God's truth but they can never hide from it.

When I think about kids like "Steven" and others like him, I am compelled to do more. I want to be a part of the solution in his life, not one who condemns him for his problems. I hope you feel the same way. Now more than ever young people need mentors to pull alongside of them and show them the better path for them to take. It can be as simple as volunteering to help children with homework after school or as deep as becoming a foster parent. But regardless of what you choose, please know this - you have what it takes to be an advocate for these young people what will allow them to shed the throw-away label once and for all.

Simple is as simple does

As 2015 rapidly approaches, there are many who are furiously planning how they want their lives to be improved in the coming year. There will be commitments for exercise and weight loss; striving for more discipline at work or in the classroom; setting goals for productivity; or just wanting less stress and more free time.

Whatever your aim for 2015 is, I am on your side! I just wish that January 1 came with a magic tonic to help all of us achieve these lofty goals that we set for ourselves. But alas, there is nothing mystical or special about the first day of the year when it comes to the changes you believe that you need to make in your life, other it being a marker for you to begin with.

Truth be told, I stopped making New Years' resolutions a long time ago for a couple of reasons. First, I was terrible at keeping them, but second and more important, if I knew that I needed to make life changes in the first place, then it would be pretty pitiful for me to wait until the first day of the year to do what needs to be done now.

So whether you are one who is really into hammering his stake in the ground at the beginning of each new year or you make the necessary adjustments as they present themselves, I do have one challenge that I want to share that I hope to achieve more of in my own life in the coming years:

I want simplicity.

That may not seem like a very detailed goal. After all, there are many ways to define what is simple and some of those definitions are not too endearing. Yet for me, simplicity encompasses not just a way of viewing life, but it also embodies a way of living my life as well. Here are a few things that I want to encourage myself and all others with in the coming years: 

• Simplify your stuff - Most of us have a lot of stuff. Too much stuff. And now that the Christmas season has just passed, you have more stuff than you know what to do with. Sadly, many don't know how to part with their stuff and so they hoard it, hidden away in some closet or attic for a time that they might actually need it. But we all know that those times rarely come, so why not get rid of some of your stuff and either donate it to those who truly need it or sell it online or at a yard sale and make a profit off of it?
• Simplify your time - Within this challenge I reserve the right to tell you to put your cell phones/iPods/tablets/TV remotes, etc., down and make time for things that are more important. Things like books and conversations and sitting outside to watch the sunset. For many of us, much of our time is wasted scrolling on the pages of social media or flipping the channels through endless crappy TV shows. Take your time back by putting the distractions away!  
• Simplify your relationships - There are people in your life right now that are there only because you allow them to be there. You may be stuck in a cubicle next to some guy at work who hums annoying Disney tunes all day, but more often than not the people that influence you the most are the people that you allow to influence you the most. Think about the "friends" that are on your news feed on Facebook or other social media sites. They are constantly negative and they post ridiculous if not offensive things about politics and religion and other people. You are control here. Block them. Unfriend or unfollow them. It's really simple. But beyond what you might see on a computer screen, take a close look at those people you associate with in your everyday life. Are there "friends" who drag you down or influence you in a negative direction? Then stop hanging out with them! Simplify your friendships and relationships by choosing to surround yourself only with those whose lives point your own life in a positive direction.

Now if you are still reading this and you are thinking, "This advice isn't bad, but it sounds an awful lot like that personal power junk I've heard about that will help you make a better you," I will admit, it does kinda sound that way. But I'm not quite done yet. You see, I've left the most important challenge for last because embedded in this challenge is the key to true simplicity. Here it is:

•  Keep your relationship with Jesus simple - Walking with Christ can be incredibly demanding and challenging, but it doesn't have to be difficult. Model the example that Christ gave to us:
• Jesus often made time to be alone so that He could pray to God (Matthew 14:23; Luke 6:12). Make prayer a priority, not an after thought.
• Jesus made time for people. You should too.
• Jesus showed compassion for those who needed it most. Do you seek to meet the needs of those around you?
• Jesus modeled grace and forgiveness well before He died to eternally offer it. You can do the same.
• Jesus sought intimacy with God and He knew God's word. Spend time each day in God's word and you will find that same intimacy.

Some of you just read that and are saying to yourself, "That's a lot of stuff! That's not simple - that's hard!" Indeed it would appear that way. But consider what I am suggesting: Free yourself from the bondage of believing that you have to do a certain number of acts of kindness or never miss a church service or have to appear a certain way in order to win God's blessing. Instead, cast aside your personal agendas and preconceived notions and pursue Jesus. Get to know Him. Talk with Him. Strive to live the simple and obedient life that He lived. Yes, it will be challenging and it will require that you give up some things, yet in doing so you will be simplifying even more so that you can know Him even deeper.

If you want to lead people then learn to manage your time (and theirs)

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You know this person I am about to write about. In fact, you may actually be this person and are unaware that you are. Who am I talking about? The person who sucks the life right out of you, the one who demands more time than you can give and lets you know if you have not catered to his or her needs enough, that’s who.

Now before you dismiss this as crass and insensitive, reserve your judgment for a few moments. I don’t believe that there is a church (or civic organization or school PTA or recreation sports league or community group for that matter) that has been spared from at least one individual who demanded that she get most of the attention. She dominates the conversations. He insists that you listen to his views before anyone else. She dismisses what you have to say as trivial and out of touch. He does not think you are paying enough attention to his child as a leader/mentor/coach/teacher. She always has an opinion and is not afraid to share it. Even if you wanted to ignore what he is saying, his voice is so loud you can’t tune him out.

Now do you know who I’m talking about? I call this person the time hoarder.

For time hoarders enough is never enough, and if you are in a position of leadership then you understand how difficult it is to balance the already limited amount of time that you have. It’s a struggle to manage your own schedule, so how do you respond to that man or woman who insists that you cater to their needs before those of any other?

You learn to manage their time for them. 

What does that mean? Am I saying that you grab their daily planner and chart the course for each day for them? No, but it would be awesome if you could because then you could make sure that you are not on their schedule! Managing a time hoarder means that you help them to honor your schedule when they are seeking out your time.

Here’s how this might look. Mary is an anxious mother who finds all sorts of things to worry about with her middle school son Sean. If she sees a suspicious looking doodle on his notebook or the name of a friend and phone number on a slip of paper of a friend she does not know, she automatically shifts into overbearing mode and wants to know every detail of, well, everything. Mary comes to you because, as Sean’s youth minister, you are supposed to figure this out. What it is that you are supposed to do isn’t quite clear yet, but Mary wants to make sure that you are up to date with all of the information that you need so that you can properly lead her son.

There have been numerous Wednesday evenings when you were the last one out of the church building again because Mary needed to unload a new list of information on you. Do you remember that day trip to the mountains that you planned last fall? The one where you sent home enough information about to run a small factory? Mary called you at least three times asking the same questions about the same details that you had already given to her. If there is a bad question to ask or an inopportune time to ask it, Mary surely isn’t aware of it.

So it’s Saturday night at your home and since there are no football or basketball games being played, Saturday night in your home is family night. That means homemade pizza, popcorn, and a movie. There is no other night of the week quite like Saturday because it’s the one time during the week that you and your spouse and your kids can all be together without any other obligations pulling at you. Just as you are serving slices of pizza dripping with cheese, your cell phone rings. Because you are a leader in your church, you always check to see who is calling you just in case another church leader needs to get important information to you. When you look at the caller ID you draw back in horror. It’s Mary! What do you do?

Quickly your mind races through every scenario. Perhaps it really is an emergency and she needs you to come to the hospital because Sean has been in a horrible accident. Or maybe she found out that her sister has cancer and she needs someone from the church to come over and pray with the family for a miracle. But more than likely, Mary is calling you because she wants to know who is going to chaperone the next youth event even though you have already given her a full list of names. Do you chance it and answer the phone?

Please understand that I believe with all of my heart that ministry is about people. First and foremost, it’s about the person of Jesus who always seemed to have time for everybody. And if Jesus could stare down exhaustion and heal one more person and deliver one more sermon, then we can certainly go the extra mile to be there when people are in the deepest of crises. But let’s be honest with each other – there are those time hoarders whose only crisis is their next individual need. You need a strategy do manage their time with you so that they don’t manage your time for you, so let’s put a strategy in place.

First, identity the time hoarders in your life. This should not be too hard. After all, it has probably only taken you a matter of weeks to figure out who it is that demands most of your time and attention. When you identify the time hoarders around you then you will know how to handle the situations that they bring your way.

Second, seek discernment from the Lord. Jesus seemingly had time for everyone, but you aren’t Jesus. You need all the help you can get from the Lord when it comes to leading people. Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment for those specific people that have the propensity to chew up your schedule and drain the life out of you. Also, preach the gospel to yourself. Jesus extends grace to us, so we must extend grace to others even when we know that we must be firm with them. The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for us reminds us of how we are to lay down our own lives and interests for those of others. Seeking discernment from the Lord will let you know when you need to give that extra time even to a time hoarder.

Third, establish boundaries that you do not allow them to cross. When that person who hoards your time starts in on you again, set a mental timer in your head and know when the alarm needs to sound. In other words, set a time limit with a time hoarder and stick to it. You don’t have to be rude to them in doing this, just up front and firm. Let them know that you value their time and that you most certainly want to help them in their situation but that you have other obligations that are pressing on you as well. Make sure that you do get back to them but do so in a manner that does not rope you in to a more lengthy time-consuming conversation (i.e., send them an email or call them on the phone). Just because someone else does not respect your time does not mean that you have to let them dictate your time for you.

Fourth, be okay with not being accessible 24/7. Yes, I know that you need to be available for any situation that arises within your ministry, but you don’t necessarily have to accessible. When Mary calls you during family night supper, let her leave you a message. If it’s truly an emergency then you will do what needs to be done, but more likely than not she is asking a question that can be answered the next day when you see her at church. Should you choose to pick up the phone and allow her to drain you of your valuable family time, then you will most certainly put a damper on much needed time with your family.

The best memories are the unplugged ones

My wife has this odd fascination with the Hallmark Channel and its endless variety of feel-good movies and romantic television shows. She tells me that she enjoys watching the channel because everything on it is "easy on the brain" and there are no stress-filled dramas that play out week after week. When she's in a Hallmark kind of mood, you will usually find me in the next room doing something else.

But last night was one of those stormy nights where the best option was to hunker down and seek comfort under the electric blanket. Our kids were occupied with books and other activities, so I took the opportunity to connect with my wife with one of those easy on the mind Hallmark shows. Thankfully, it wasn't some cheesy all-too-perfect love story where girl likes boy and boy doesn't know but when he does find out he loves her back in spite of the fact that there was someone else in his life prior to this new love but it's all okay because he really wasn't happy or committed to this other girl in the first place. Got that?

Instead, we watched an episode of The Waltons, the show about a mountain family that was set in the 1930's and filmed in the 1970's. If you've ever watched a show like The Waltons, then you already know that it's not some action packed racy drama filled with crime, deception, adultery, and mayhem. Instead, it is one of those shows that depicts a simpler way of life with the focus being on family. Now I know that what is on TV is hardly representative of reality, but I do appreciate the effort of portraying family life as healthy and worth the investment.

In the episode that we watched, Mr. and Mrs. Walton were about to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. There was a buzz of excitement around the Walton homestead - what was Pa gonna do special for Ma and vice versa. Mrs. Walton had a rotary phone (Google it) installed in the house so that they could receive and make phone calls. Prior to that, the only access to a telephone they had was inside the building that housed the Walton family business. The fuss that ensued over there being a phone in the house was crazier than what a bunch of hyped up bratty kids could generate on Christmas morning. A phone in the house. Are you serious?

Mr. Walton was not one to be outdone. He had arranged for he and his wife to get their pictures taken by a fancy photographer in town. And to top it off, he had secretly built a beautiful gazebo for him and his wife to enjoy together, and they spent part of their evening dancing to music on the phonograph and talking to each other. Of course, the kids showed up with Grandpa in the middle of their romantic evening, but even that was okay. Grandpa brought a bunch of blankets so that Mr. and Mrs. Walton could sleep under the stars on their anniversary night.

So, exactly in what dimension does this kind of life really exist? Was life really that simple or have we romanticized a time in the past that really wasn't all that romantic? Since I was not alive in that era, I can't say for certain how accurate those portrayals are. But, I do have the benefit of being born during a time before technology controlled our lives as it does today.

No, I'm not going to go off on some "When I was a kid..." tangent. But then again I kind of am. I do remember looking at my parents when I was a kid and uttering those regrettable words: I'm bored! Before the words were even off my lips, I would quickly be shown the door to the outside world. There was no computer for me to gaze into, no cell phone for me to hunch over. Sure, we had an Atari game system, but there was a limit to how many times you could play Pac Man or Space Invaders on a grainy television screen. I know it sounds crazy, but when I got bored I usually just went outside to play.

I love technology just as much as the next guy and I don't know what my life would be like without it. Yet when I see the Walton family getting all giddy over a phone in the house, it makes me blush to think of all the times I get flustered when I can't keep a WiFi signal. As I watch one of the Walton boys spend a quiet evening on the porch swing reading a book or playing his guitar, I feel shame at how many times I've scrolled through the hundreds of TV channels I have access to and been frustrated because "There's nothing on!"

The truth is, I have allowed technology and entertainment to control much of my life and my schedule, and in that I am not alone. Admit it, when you have a few minutes of free time then 99% of you will power on your phone or click on the web to check social media or news sites. What ever happened to reading a book or sitting outside on the porch enjoying the day or simply talking to a person face-to-face? Playing in the creek behind the neighbor's house or organizing a game of kick ball has been replaced with closed-door gaming or texting sessions. Shoot, I can't even enjoy the beach anymore because I am too busy editing and posting pictures on my phone of my beautiful surroundings. I miss simple and I have no one to blame but myself.

Think about some of the best memories of your life. How many are centered around family and friends and travel to different places? Now ask yourself how many of those memories center around watching late night television or endless texting or hours in front of a computer screen. Unless you are part robot, I'll wager that most of us don't have many recollections in the latter category.

So how do we change all of this? We take the time that we have instead of letting the time take us. Leave the phone plugged in and go outside. Read a book. Talk to someone face-to-face. Visit a friend and sit outside with them. Play in the woods and discover crawdads in the creek. Stay outside playing so long that your mom has to call you home when it's supper time. Plan a day trip to location that has poor cell service. Whatever you choose to do, never forget that the most endearing  memories that we have are the ones where we invest our time in each other, not in electronic devices that fit into our pockets. It's time to unplug.

Less is more

Simplicity. Scaling back from the tangled mess that is our lives and narrowing our focus on what's most important. That's what's missing from so many of the lives of people that I know, including myself. We pride ourselves with our work effort, how much we can accomplish in a day or a week, and reward ourselves with mini-getaways that promise escape from the chaos that is our lives. It's as if we are resigned to believe that the daily grind is what we should expect until we've earned the next brief respite of escape.

But should simple be the exception instead of the rule?

Bear with me for a few moment of seemingly ridiculous reflection. My wife and I have been on a bit of a nostalgia kick lately and we've gathered most of our ammo from television shows. I know, not exactly the best source for unbiased and healthy perspective, but there is a lot to learn from the past. The Hardy Boys book series, learning about our local history, and shows like Little House on the Prairie and the older movies that constantly stream on TMC and Retro TV hearken the mind back to a time when life didn't seem so complicated and issues seemingly resolved themselves without bloodshed.

Granted, I know that many of these depictions are fictional, but behind them lies a yearning for this elusive concept of simplicity that is an inherent desire in the heart of man. Think about it: wouldn't you want to come home to a family meal each night and enjoy an evening sitting around a campfire reading a book, playing board games together, or taking a family walk? Instead, our schedules control us and we justify our busyness with the belief that we absolutely must be involved in these things for the well-being of our children or to further our own professional, cultural, or social development. The more that we take on, the less simple life becomes and that leads us to a very dangerous crossroads.

We risk losing sight of each other.

Why do so many chance it all by worshiping at the altar of chaos? The only thing that most of us have to show for lives that are pulled in a plethora of directions is a resume that screams, "You're too busy! Slow down!" Nevertheless we plod on in exhaustion, believing that if we can make one more meeting or take one more class or run one more errand then we can have a chance to breathe. And then we sink into bed in exhaustion only to repeat the cycle all over again the next day.

So what do we do to make life more simple, to strive to live as if less is more? Not everyone has the opportunity to live like Swiss Family Robinson and, granted, most of us don't want that for ourselves. But living simply requires making an intentional effort to step away from it all and taking time for yourself and your family. Other than selling it all and moving to a hut in Tahiti where you live off of fish and whatever grows on the trees (which I think is a brilliant idea), here are a few suggestions on how to simplify life even when everything around you is so complex:

1. Get outside more often. Take a walk, go for a hike, swim in the ocean, tube down a river, ride your bike, sit outside and gaze at the stars, hang out on your porch, go the park and swing. God has created nature for us to enjoy and when we take the time to get out into it, the beauty of His creation provides wonderful therapy.
2. Learn to say no. As a parent, I know that it's hard to say no to your children because you don't want to deprive them of opportunities that might harm their development. But let's be realistic here - what will develop your children more, sending them to every class/practice/audition that you can or pouring more of yourself into their lives? Peel the "Mom's Taxi" sticker off of your minivan and keep it parked in the driveway more often.
3. Stop making excuses. "But if I don't stay over at work then I might not get that promotion!" "My clients are depending on me to come through!" "We've got to travel every weekend for softball/baseball/soccer/etc., if we want our kids to excel and make it to the next level!" The list goes on and on for why we push ourselves like we do. Hey, don't get me wrong, there will be seasons when more is asked of us and it will require a hefty chunk of our time (ask a CPA during tax season), but these times are just that - seasons. There really is no good excuse for voluntarily pushing yourself and your family to their limits week after week because you are afraid of what you might not gain if you don't. That's a cop out. Translation: If I don't do this for myself or my family, then I will have failed them. No, you fail yourself and your family when you put too must trust in what you can do and so little in what God can and will provide.
4. Pursue what really matters. Writing from a purely Western perspective, we have convinced ourselves that being successful equals having more. Whether it's a better job with higher pay, a nicer car filled with more gadgets, or a bigger home in which to store our stuff, bigger has become synonymous with better. No one wants to poor. Shoot, we have campaigns to fight poverty, and we should indeed help those in need. But let's not fool ourselves any longer - we've begun to believe the lie that more is always better and in doing so we've gotten our priorities way out of whack. What really matters on this side of heaven is relationships, first with God then with family and our fellow man. When we trump time with family and friends for work projects, five sporting events a week, and a schedule that would make an air traffic controller's head spin, then it's time to step back and ask ourselves what in life really matters. In the end, none of these things will go with us but we are promised a satisfying relationship with God for all eternity through Jesus Christ. 

Maybe this list itself is too simple, and I'm okay with that because I wrote it just as much for myself than for anyone else. Truthfully, we don't need to harken back to an age where simplicity was often artificially manufactured. What we need to do is take a deep breath, step back from the ledge of chaos that surrounds us, and seek to pursue what truly matters most. Seek to excel in your work, charm the pants off of your clients, and strive to be the best on the athletic field, but do so only when you've given priority to your faith and your family first. If you don't know how to do this, then mark through some of the events on your calendar, turn of your TV and your phone, and sit outside with your family to plan it all out. In doing so, you will have already made your life a little more simple.

Waiting for...something

Have you ever been to a restaurant that was super busy and your server never could quite refill your tea fast enough or get your food out soon enough? First world problems, right? For some people, minor inconveniences like these drive them absolutely crazy, to the point that they will stiff their server on the tip or even chew them out for the poor service. You've seen the guy, the one who keeps looking around for his server, visibly fuming because his food isn't ready, unable to keep his ridiculous comments to himself. Maybe that's you.

Having been a waiter before I can totally sympathize with servers. What happens in the kitchen is beyond their control, yet they are the "face" of the restaurant and so they become the proverbial whipping post when service is poor. It is my strongest belief that everyone, before they finish high school or college, should have to wait tables at least once just to gain a little bit of perspective.

We could all probably benefit from lessons in waiting.

Think about Noah. In the Old Testament book of Genesis chapters 6-9 we find his story. Basically, by the time Noah came on the scene the whole world had already gone to pot and God was pretty much fed up with everybody. And you think things are bad now! God decided to wipe the slate clean and send a deluge of water that would scour the earth and take with it every living creature. All but Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives that is. Noah was righteous in God's sight - he walked with God (Genesis 6:9) - so God's plan included repopulating the earth with Noah's family after the flood, giving everything and everyone a fresh start.

God told Noah to build an ark that was huge in its dimensions - 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, 45 and feet high. I'm not sure how old Noah was when he started this project but he had just turned the tender age of 600 when he finished. Yes, 600 years old. When the rain started, Noah gathered his family and the animals into the ark and he waited. The rain only lasted 40 days and 40 nights but Noah was holed up in that boat for far longer. In fact, he didn't step out until he was 601 years old, 1 year and 10 days later.

I couldn't imagine what it must have been like to be boxed in with elephants, giraffes, beavers, and birds for over a year while a giant storm raged all around me. I'm sure the smell was quite pleasant. But Noah waited on God to finish His work and to calm the storm. Only then did he step out of the ark into a world transformed by God. If he had stepped out any earlier, he would have sunk in the waves.

Waiting is hard. Nearly impossible for my six-year old son. Yet it is during the times when we are forced to wait that God is doing His most critical work in us. If you've been too impatient to let paint dry or bread to rise fully, then you know the results never turn out well. The same is true when we fail to wait on the Lord.

What God accomplishes in me when I wait on Him may not be the same as what He completes in you, but finish the job He will (sorry, that really sounded like Yoda!). If you are in the middle of stuff right now and are itching to take the bull by the horns and fix it yourself, can I encourage you to pipe down for a minute and trust God that He is working in the midst of the waiting. His plan will become clearer soon enough but only if you patiently trust Him. Let me finish with this great promise from God found in Isaiah 40:31:

But those who wait upon the lord will renew their strength.

Time is a priceless commodity. Spend it wisely.

Today was the first day of school for my two oldest kids. My wife took our oldest to her first day of middle school (gasp!) and I dropped my now fourth grader off for her first day, trying hard not to embarrass her. I then took my two youngest who won't start school until later this week to a new doughnut shop that recently opened on Oak Island (Ahoy Doughnuts). I thought my girls would enjoy fresh doughnuts after school plus I wanted to have something sweet to dip in my coffee.

We walked into the shop and, as I am in the habit of doing, I began talking with woman behind the counter. They asked if I wanted coffee which I politely declined, informing them that I am a true coffee snob who roasts his own coffee. That opened up the conversation to the possibility of serving fresh coffee in their shop among other things. As we continued to chat, I learned that this woman and her husband and kids moved down to the area this past spring soon after we did from the same area of Winston-Salem where we lived. In fact, they lived only a few miles away from where we used to live and their kids, who are older than ours, even went to the same elementary school that my children did. It also turns out they are looking for ways to plug into a community of faith and I was able to share with them about the church I attend.

This may seem like a trivial little story to some people, but I would wholeheartedly disagree that encounters like this aren't all that important. Everyone has a story to tell and they are usually pretty eager to share it if we will just take a little time to listen. I spent about a half an hour in that little shop and besides eating a delicious doughnut I was able to make new friends in the community. This makes me think of an important truth that we often forget:

You don't make time for people. Time is already there. Instead, you take the time that you already have and invest it wisely.

Time is a priceless commodity. We can't create it but we can certainly waste it. Time must be used wisely and I can't think of many other ways that to use the time that you have to invest in others. People are worth our time. So slow down. Take a few extra minutes to talk. Don't rush off. Invest the time that you are given and see how great the return will be.