We've talked about spiritual, family, and financial issues so now it's time to tackle the one that many of you might think is the most important of all - how do you share the other parts of your life together?
How alike are the two of you? If not very similar, do you know how to compromise? The old saying goes that opposites attract and in my marriage I would not deny that this is mostly true. But does it always need to be this way for a marriage to be successful? What if you and your future mate are so alike that it's scary? The issue here isn't whether or not the both or you like NASCAR or girly movies but rather whether or not the two of you are compatible. You're a neat freak, he's a slob. You are always on time, she's constantly late. You like a more classic style in home decor, she prefers more flowers and pastels. You are more open with your emotions and feelings, he's more like a clogged pipe.
I could write pages and pages about the differences that exist between husbands and wives and the innumerable ways to resolves these differences, but I would rather approach it from this perspective: Being different isn't all that bad. Yes, you need to learn to compromise in areas that are important but think of your differences a way to grow with each other. You do this by communication. That's right, you talk to each other (and not at each other). Discuss your differences and come up with ways that that they can work in your favor. If he's not much of a talker then write notes to each other (I know it sounds silly but no step in the right direction is too goofy). The important point to remember is that you must address differences now before they become major sources of conflict within your marriage. Give each other a chance to respond in the way and the time frame that works best for the other.
How will you spend your free time? This naturally feeds off what I just wrote above. Prior to my marriage to my wife Kellie, I was what many called the quintessential bachelor. By that these guys meant that I was gifted at doing as little as I possibly could for an extended period of time. My life was really simple - I did what I wanted to do with my time and on my terms. When I met Kellie I knew that things would have to change. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't want to sit around watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of Sports Center every morning while lounging in boxer shorts and eating pop tarts. I was also fairly certain that going to a ball game a couple of nights a week or eating wings and pizza for every other meal was going to cut it either. Instead, I learned what her interests were and learned to adjust my life to hers. On free Saturdays, instead of watching 5 different football games I would go with her to do things that she enjoyed as well. Did I give up my sports altogether? No, but I did give more of myself to her and her interests. Now that we have 4 kids the words "free time" are a distant memory, but I do look back now at how we spent that time together and am grateful how it was time well spent sharing our common interests together.
What role will your friends play in your marriage? This last point is the one that I will probably be the toughest on because I believe it's the on that's the most often abused. I know married guys who go out at night with the fellas and think that it's okay to do it as much as they want. I also know married girls who seem to spend more time away from home than they ever do at home. Is time away important? Absolutely! There is no need to give up your friends just because you are married but you must learn what role those friends will play in your life now that you have tied the knot. First and foremost your spouse is your best friend, period. You should cultivate that friendship until the day that you die and you can only do that by spending quality time together. As a result, the amount of time that you used to spend with the guys and girls will have to decrease. You can't hope to have a happy marriage if your friends get the same amount of time as your spouse. Schedule some guy nights and girls nights or some weekends away with your friends, but never schedule more for them than you do for your mate.
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