Hi, my name is Sterling, and I have control issues...

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it / I'm about to lose control and I think I like it."

That song by The Pointer Sisters was popular back in my day. Maybe you heard Jessie Spano desperately singing it on Saved by the Bell, or you heard it played ad infinitum on the radio station in your car. Truthfully, I can't stand that song, but it's one of those that gets stuck in your heard and won't seem to leave. Now you're gonna be singing it to yourself the rest of the day. Sorry about that.

Even though that song was not my favorite, it resonates somewhat with my soul (I know, the song is about losing control in a relationship which is whole other ball of wax, but bear with me). Think back to your last day of school or what it felt like to finish that final exam before summer break. I used to literally scream with joy at the top of my lungs when I was done. School had a controlling issue on my life - it owned me for the better part of the year - and when I was out from under its yoke I got so excited that I just couldn't hide it...

I share all of that because I have a confession to make: I have control issues. There, I said it. It can drive me crazy when things are out of order or there is too much chaos. Having four kids has not helped me in this area; rather, it has highlighted just how jacked up I can be when it comes to my need to be in control.

Then there are those times when life and circumstances and culture seek to gain control over me and I realize that I am not the one steering the ship in the direction it should go. No matter how young or old you are, there will be people and events that will make every effort to dictate the direction your life should take. Some of these influences are subtle - the TV shows you watch and the music you listen to. Others are downright blatant - withering peer pressure and fear of rejection.

We either desperately want to be in control or we under the control of someone or something else. Not surprisingly, this tug of war is not good for your body, spirit, or mind. Something has got to give and when it does the pendulum usually swings in the opposite direction.

You see, whether it's you grasping desperately for control of your life or yielding that control to someone else who probably doesn't have your best interests in mind, being manipulated by control issues never satisfies. There simply isn't any joy in it. And without joy it's impossible to be happy and without happiness people will not want to be around you because you will be negative all the time and nobody wants to be around "that" guy or girl who is about as fun as having a wet blanket thrown over your head. Your presence should be more endearing that waterboarding.

This is where the 20th Century philosophers known as The Pointer Sisters come back into play. It's time to lose control and believe me, you're gonna like it. If you struggle with control issues then I'm about to drop a bomb on you: There is freedom in letting go. When you yield control of life's circumstances that you can never possibly hope to fix, you are free from those things defining who you are. And once you are able to break free from the grip of those who want to dictate your every move or thought, you are really on the road to freedom in your life.

You determine what controls you and makes you happy, not someone or something else. When you give up your rights to determine these things, then you are being controlled by those who more often than not don't have your best interests in mind. Just in case you are thinking that all of this sounds like the power of positive thinking and that I'm going to suggest getting rainbow and butterfly tattoos, think again. While the control that you seek to have over situations or the control that you yield to others is rarely ever healthy, there is another way that giving up control can truly set you free.

When you fully let go of control issues and allow God to be the giver and author of the joy in your life, then not only do you no longer have to worry about being in control but you also can rest well knowing that the One who is now in control is infinitely good and has your best interests in mind. Jesus came to earth to die for the sins of the world and to offer salvation to all who would believe. He didn't do this because He was just some nice guy or to give you a healthy option for life. No, God gave us Jesus because it is in Him that we find true joy and happiness.

Even on those days when it rains on your parade and it seems like work or school or home life has got you in a vice grip and happiness seems like a ridiculous suggestion, the joy of the Lord never runs out. That's because when you know Jesus, then your joy is based on what He has done for you, not what you can manufacture for yourself. And when that's the case, you don't have to try and wrestle control from other circumstances or people in hopes of finding your happiness. In Jesus, you already have all that you need.
This means that you can really start enjoying life. Is the house a mess or a deadline looming on the horizon? Take a break - go for a walk, throw the ball with your kids, sit on the porch, or watch a movie. What you can or can't control doesn't define you - Jesus does. Believe me, the mess and deadline will be waiting when you get back but you will also be better prepared to deal with them.

Are you in a relationship that is unhealthy or have you found yourself being pulled in a negative direction by cultural influences that are about as happy as a second degree diaper rash? Again, take a break - unplug from electronics and read a good book, spend time with family and friends who love you for who you are, or put your energy into a hobby that you've been neglecting.

You're about to lose control right now and chances are, you're really going to like it.

My joy is smarter than your happy

Since the weather yesterday was anything but hospitable to outside activities, our Netflix account got quite a workout. If you have Netflix you understand how wonderful it can be and you also know just how old it can get after awhile. It's not that there aren't enough movies and TV shows to choose from - it's more a matter of quality vs. quantity. So last night as we hunkered down to find something new to watch, I scanned through the listings of documentaries and stumbled across one that I found intriguing.

The movie title was simple enough: Happy. Combining scientific and real-life stories, this movie attempts to chronicle what it is that makes people truly happy. Not surprisingly, money and success were not found to be huge indicators of happiness. As the film progressed, a laundry list of reasons for happiness were articulated from a variety of different perspectives: flow and rhythm of life, quality relationships, being involved in activities that contribute to the common good, and being satisfied with what you have along with a simple lifestyle were the recurrent themes.

Curiously, the role of religion and spirituality was inconclusive when it comes to happiness. In fact, eastern religious traditions such as meditation were credited with leading to happiness while adherence to doctrines and principles, which is common to evangelical Christianity, were purported to have the opposite effect.

As I watched the documentary, I was moved by many of the men and women in the film. Those who appeared the happiest were those who by the world's standards had the least amount of possessions. Despite their lack of wealth, they all held one powerful train in common - a strong sense of community. Whether it was in a tight knit family or close proximity with their neighbors, those who were presented as happiest lived intentional lives with each other. A glaring opponent to happiness was isolation and busyness. Those who shared life together were the happiest.

After the movie came to an end, I noted that much of the emphasis on community and loving your neighbor was nothing new or even novel. It was if the filmmakers had taken many of the teachings of Jesus and woven them into the fabric of this film. Even though the film was nonspiritual in it's approach, the theme of happiness could not be divorced from being content with what you have and loving your neighbor as yourself.

Happy is an emotion and like all emotions it can easily fade. Being happy is typically determined by circumstances in life. If you take away someone's money, family, friends, or comfort, happiness tends to leave with them. This part of the movie was true - those who were happiest had worked to surround themselves with people and circumstances that they hoped would keep them happy. But what happens when those things are gone?

Jesus never told us that He came to make us happy. In John 15:11 He tells us that His goal for us is joy to the full. Joy is different than happiness. While being happy is driven by circumstances, joy reflects a heart contentment that is dependent upon not what we can do for ourselves but rather what God has done for us in Christ. Our joy is in the Lord and because of that we should be happy more than we usually are (Note: I've found Christians to often be the most sour and skeptical bunch in the lot).

Joy remains even in the midst of difficult times. Because true joy is found in the Lord, circumstances such as the loss of a job, a diagnosis of cancer, or a terrible tragedy cannot erase or even limit the contentment and peace that we find in Christ. Sure, happiness will often be fleeting in those situations but our joy remains constant and true. Joy is so crucial to the Christian life that is even listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. And joy is not something that we can manufacture or turn of like a light switch. If you are in Christ then His joy is in you.

While joy is given to us through Christ, we must work to remove from our path obstacles that limit the benefits of joy in our lives. Cultivating relationships with other believers, actually following the teachings of Jesus that lead us to put others first, and seeking the face of Christ at all times will increase our joy in Him. This isn't artificial or step-by-step Christianity. Joy comes when we realize our desperate need for Jesus and then receiving His gift of grace which brings to us pure and perfect joy in Christ.