Hurry up and slow down

I have a confession to make: I am terrible at waiting. If patience is a virtue, then well, I ain't got much virtue. Truth be told, this is nothing new. Patience and waiting on events and schedules to happen has always been a sore spot for me.

Almost every Christmas Eve growing up, I was the kid perched at the top of the stairs starting at 3:00 a.m. anxiously counting the minutes until the sun would begin to poke its head on the horizon so that I could finally get a glimpse of the glorious presents that awaited me. I eat the cookie dough before it goes on the baking sheet. I'm sure you do too, but I eat A LOT of it before it can be baked. I was the senior in high school that got on the phone with Wake Forest University to find out if I had been accepted because I simply couldn't wait for that letter any longer. Thankfully, they said yes.

So as I recover from my heart surgery at home, you can imagine this is not the easiest of scenarios for someone like me to play out. My doctors have told me that I cannot drive for four weeks post surgery, I am not allowed to lift anything over ten pounds, and I must rest as much a possible. Now I love sleep as much as the next guy, but I also believe there is a thing as too much rest. Yet these are the doctors orders, from the ones who basically recreated my heart as if it was a ball of clay on a potter's wheel.

My days have been filled with cardiac rehab (treadmill, stretching, and yes, rest), reading lots of books, eating like a destitute goat so that I can put weight back on, spending some amazing time with my family, and coordinating class work with the many substitute teachers that my school has lined up to take over in my absence. All of these things are good and necessary. This isn't my first rodeo – I remember having to do all of these things twenty-four years ago when I had my first heart surgery. But things are different now and this is where my struggle begins.

When I had my first heart surgery in 1996, I was single, in grad school, and was able to recover at home with my parents, who to this day are still saints for putting up with me. This time around I have a wife and kids, a career, and many more obligations that require much more immediate attention. My life is different – better – and to have to sit on the sidelines like that kid who made the team but you know coach has no intention of playing is frustrating.

I know that may seem a little over dramatized, so let me step back a little bit. In the midst of what seems like useless time wasting, I understand why the waiting is so important even though I despise it. The body takes time to heal. Getting back into the game too early can be detrimental to experiencing a fully recovery. And the fact that I am even alive to be able to type this graphically illustrates that I serve a God who has allowed me to stay on this planet for reasons I may not yet even fully realize.

So hurry up and wait is what I will do. After all, I did have pretty major heart surgery. Nobody expects me to take the field right away. And while I wait, I will do my best to enjoy each and every moment that comes my way. Wishing I was here or there and doing this or that only serves to cloud my vision for what's right in front of me. And that is what God wants me to see. Not the things that I want to conjure up for myself but rather the everyday, even mundane, things that He has placed in my path.

I ain't skeered! Are you?

Have you ever seen a big, strong weight lifter scream like a little girl when he sees a spider? Or how about a seasoned defense attorney freak out over a paper cut to her index finger? Maybe you haven't, but you can certainly picture the scenario in your head and have probably seen something similar.

We live in a world where we all want to be seen as tough and fear is a taboo to be avoided. How many movies do you see where the coward is the hero? Yet in spite of our best efforts, if we were to sit in a support group circle together and allow our defenses to come down, we would all admit to being scared of plenty of things.

• The possibility of our health or the health of our children being compromised
• Losing a job and being unable to support our families
• What the future of our country will look like, which means we either have Trump-phobia, Hillary-phobia, Bernie-phobia, Republican-phobia, Democrat-phobia, etc. ad nauseum.
• Or maybe we are afraid of what we see as international threats, such as ISIS, nuclear capabilities of North Korea, or our perceived leaky borders. 
• The eventual takeover of the world by the Illuminati and the One World Order (c'mon, everybody is scared of a good conspiracy theory now and then!).
• Spiders. Because spiders are ALWAYS scary.

Whatever it is that you fear in this world, you often feel justified in your fears because the media has a unique way of stoking the flames of paranoia and hysteria. A few clicks on the keyboard will open up a cornucopia of websites and facts and figures as to why your fears are legitimate and you had better start stocking up on Spam and freeze dried vegetables right away. The fear is real!

But what if you realized that your fears don't actually help you cope with the looming gloom and doom that you are so certain is coming? What if you realized instead that in spite of being helpless to defend yourself against the coming Armageddon of bad healthcare/skewed politics/imminent poverty/etc., you are perfectly safe right where you are? Would you believe that?

Truth is, bad things are going to happen in this world. We've been working for centuries to fight diseases, boost the economy, defeat fascists, and improve the environment, yet time and again we have still seen people suffer and lives lost. It's at these times we are tempted to climb in our bunkers, put on our tin foil hats, and hope for the best. What we need to realize is that not only is help on the way, but that help is already here.

Whether you see it or not or agree with it or not, God is in control. He is what we call "sovereign." Nothing escapes His sight and He is well aware of the condition of our world right now. After all, He has allowed us to make the decisions that have gotten us into the messes in which we so often find ourselves. And if you believe that and you believe that Jesus came to give you life and the relationship with God that you were ultimately created for, then you probably already know that one day the Lord will return and rescue us from this mess and carry us with Him into a perfect eternity. The best is yet to come!

But for now we must live in hope and endure the hard times. God has not left us here to blow around in the winds of uncertainty, but rather He is with us every step of the way. I love the words that He spoke to Israel a few thousand years ago when they found themselves enveloped in a tempest of uncertainty:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand... For I, the Lord God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."      (Isaiah 41:10, 13)

Twice they were told to "fear not" because there is truly nothing to fear. Did the "wrong" candidate get elected? Fear not, God is in control. Are you afraid of what the doctor's lab work will show? Fear not, God has you in His right hand. Terrified of the world that your children will have to face in the future? Fear not, God's got this.

If we are going to "fear not" then we have to believe that God is bigger than our fears. There will continue to be many things beyond our control that will cause us to wring our hands and worry about the future, causing our fear meters to spike. Yet we can take comfort in knowing that we serve a God who is greater than all our fears. 

Hi, my name is Sterling, and I have control issues...

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it / I'm about to lose control and I think I like it."

That song by The Pointer Sisters was popular back in my day. Maybe you heard Jessie Spano desperately singing it on Saved by the Bell, or you heard it played ad infinitum on the radio station in your car. Truthfully, I can't stand that song, but it's one of those that gets stuck in your heard and won't seem to leave. Now you're gonna be singing it to yourself the rest of the day. Sorry about that.

Even though that song was not my favorite, it resonates somewhat with my soul (I know, the song is about losing control in a relationship which is whole other ball of wax, but bear with me). Think back to your last day of school or what it felt like to finish that final exam before summer break. I used to literally scream with joy at the top of my lungs when I was done. School had a controlling issue on my life - it owned me for the better part of the year - and when I was out from under its yoke I got so excited that I just couldn't hide it...

I share all of that because I have a confession to make: I have control issues. There, I said it. It can drive me crazy when things are out of order or there is too much chaos. Having four kids has not helped me in this area; rather, it has highlighted just how jacked up I can be when it comes to my need to be in control.

Then there are those times when life and circumstances and culture seek to gain control over me and I realize that I am not the one steering the ship in the direction it should go. No matter how young or old you are, there will be people and events that will make every effort to dictate the direction your life should take. Some of these influences are subtle - the TV shows you watch and the music you listen to. Others are downright blatant - withering peer pressure and fear of rejection.

We either desperately want to be in control or we under the control of someone or something else. Not surprisingly, this tug of war is not good for your body, spirit, or mind. Something has got to give and when it does the pendulum usually swings in the opposite direction.

You see, whether it's you grasping desperately for control of your life or yielding that control to someone else who probably doesn't have your best interests in mind, being manipulated by control issues never satisfies. There simply isn't any joy in it. And without joy it's impossible to be happy and without happiness people will not want to be around you because you will be negative all the time and nobody wants to be around "that" guy or girl who is about as fun as having a wet blanket thrown over your head. Your presence should be more endearing that waterboarding.

This is where the 20th Century philosophers known as The Pointer Sisters come back into play. It's time to lose control and believe me, you're gonna like it. If you struggle with control issues then I'm about to drop a bomb on you: There is freedom in letting go. When you yield control of life's circumstances that you can never possibly hope to fix, you are free from those things defining who you are. And once you are able to break free from the grip of those who want to dictate your every move or thought, you are really on the road to freedom in your life.

You determine what controls you and makes you happy, not someone or something else. When you give up your rights to determine these things, then you are being controlled by those who more often than not don't have your best interests in mind. Just in case you are thinking that all of this sounds like the power of positive thinking and that I'm going to suggest getting rainbow and butterfly tattoos, think again. While the control that you seek to have over situations or the control that you yield to others is rarely ever healthy, there is another way that giving up control can truly set you free.

When you fully let go of control issues and allow God to be the giver and author of the joy in your life, then not only do you no longer have to worry about being in control but you also can rest well knowing that the One who is now in control is infinitely good and has your best interests in mind. Jesus came to earth to die for the sins of the world and to offer salvation to all who would believe. He didn't do this because He was just some nice guy or to give you a healthy option for life. No, God gave us Jesus because it is in Him that we find true joy and happiness.

Even on those days when it rains on your parade and it seems like work or school or home life has got you in a vice grip and happiness seems like a ridiculous suggestion, the joy of the Lord never runs out. That's because when you know Jesus, then your joy is based on what He has done for you, not what you can manufacture for yourself. And when that's the case, you don't have to try and wrestle control from other circumstances or people in hopes of finding your happiness. In Jesus, you already have all that you need.
This means that you can really start enjoying life. Is the house a mess or a deadline looming on the horizon? Take a break - go for a walk, throw the ball with your kids, sit on the porch, or watch a movie. What you can or can't control doesn't define you - Jesus does. Believe me, the mess and deadline will be waiting when you get back but you will also be better prepared to deal with them.

Are you in a relationship that is unhealthy or have you found yourself being pulled in a negative direction by cultural influences that are about as happy as a second degree diaper rash? Again, take a break - unplug from electronics and read a good book, spend time with family and friends who love you for who you are, or put your energy into a hobby that you've been neglecting.

You're about to lose control right now and chances are, you're really going to like it.