Broken bones, but not broken dreams

This is what a broken and dislocated forearm on a 9-year-old girls looks like. Unfortunately this belongs to my youngest daughter, Emme, who accomplished this after trying to catch herself from hitting the floor after falling off the balance beam at gymnastics. Accidents happen - and sometimes they really hurt! - but sometimes they affect more than just your physical well-being.

If you watch sports or have a child who plays sports or were an athlete yourself, then you know that injuries are often part of the game. Not everyone experiences bone-crushing fractures or career-ending injuries - most of the time it's knocks and bumps and the occasional bruise. But there are those moments where you watch an athlete's future dissipate before his or her eyes by an injury that prohibits them from coming back. And that is hard to watch.

As someone who has never really experienced any of this in the athletic arena, I've often wondered what it's like to receive the crushing news from a doctor or trainer that you might not be able to compete at the same level again. Even if you are just a weekend warrior and enjoy recreational sports leagues - which are awesome, by the way - I am sure that not being able to play at the same level as you once did can be frustrating if not even depressing.

So as I watched my budding young gymnast lie on the ground in obvious pain, my primary focus was making sure that she was okay and taken care of. But then as we were riding in the ambulance to the hospital, the inevitable thoughts came into my mind - Will she be able to do gymnastics again? And even if the physical healing is 100%, will she want to jump on that beam again after what happened? Will she even want to?

Sure, she's pretty new to the sport, but she is incredibly driven and has big dreams - she's already considering UCLA and Alabama for college because, according to her, "They have the best gymnastics teams." And she recently joined a team that will begin competition soon, which she has been working really hard to be ready for. How would she respond to the fact that even if she does make a full recovery it will still be months before she is able to even attempt the kind of moves she was doing before the accident? And what about us as parents - how will we help her through the potential disappointment of not being able to compete, both now and perhaps in the future?

It was right then and there, as these thoughts swirled through my brain, that I realized it would not matter to me one bit if my daughter ever wanted to slip on the leotard and get back to the gym. I am proud of her for trying her best and for being so brave to try a sport that I personally find pretty scary. And then she showed us more of what she is really made of.

After surgery and a brief time in recovery, she said she was ready to go home. Once there, she read out loud all of the get well cards that her classmates sent her and then she invited her friends over to hang out. She shared her Chick-Fil-A fries with them and hung out on the couch watching cheesy Disney shows with them, making sure that they were properly entertained and cared for. When she needed help from me or my wife, she was unafraid to ask for it. She also said she didn't want the pain medication that the doctor prescribed - she didn't like how it made her feel. And not once has she complained about being in pain or the fact that it could be months before she can go back in the gym again. The only disappointment she showed was not being able to go to school tomorrow.

I gotta be honest, it's times like these when I really look up to my kids and hope I can learn from them. As an adult, it's not a broken bone that concerns me but rather the potential for my dreams to be shattered. Yet here is a nine-year-old girl who is unafraid to take what life gives her and make it into something sweet.

Sometimes our dreams aren't the dreams that God has for us and sometimes we just need a little extra time before we can see our dreams fulfilled. But regardless of the circumstances, it is up to us to determine how we will handle life's ups and downs along the way. Jesus told us not to worry (Matthew 6:33) and Paul echoed that sentiment (Philippians 4:6). And they did so not because what we experience does not affect us or is unimportant but rather because God is greater than any difficulty or struggle we could ever encounter.

Dreams are great and we should keep on striving to live the dreams that God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes life will throw a wrench in our plans and derail these dreams, even if only temporarily. But if we keep our eyes on Jesus - "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" - then we can know that regardless of the outcome that we desired, God will always give us exactly what we need - "and all of these things will be added unto you."

Life is precious and oh so sweet

I just returned from South Brunswick High School where almost all of the high school students in my youth group attend as well as my oldest daughter. Normally, this wouldn't be an unusual event at all since I sub there a few times a month and I man the carpool duty there every afternoon. But today was different. I was there for the worst possible reason.

This morning a high school senior, a vivacious and popular fireball of a girl named Lily Beatini, died tragically in an auto accident not far from the school. Word in the form of rumors spread fast - I got my share of text messages - with everyone wanting to know what was going on. When my phone rang and I was officially told the tragic news, my heart sank. I didn't know this young lady personally other than being her substitute teacher on a couple of occasions and watching her play lacrosse, but I knew that she was well-loved and respected by all of her classmates. Her death has left so many students staggered and at a loss for words.

I drove with a heavy heart to the high school to see if there was any way that I could help. When I arrived I was told that several of the students in my youth group were assembled in a classroom and were expecting me. Tears of grieving teenagers greeted me at the door and I saw first hand the pain and anguish in their eyes. As I sat down with them to talk and listen, the first question I knew that I had to address was, "Why?"

Why? Why does God allow things like this to happen? Why does an 18-year-old who is set to graduate in a couple of weeks have to die? It just doesn't seem fair, does it?

Honestly, I have no good answer for those questions because I simply don't know the answer. But there are some things that I do know about tragedy and death:

1. We will all one day die. I don't like to think about this for myself or for anyone else that I love for that matter, but death is the reality, not the exception. And for most of us, we are given no warning when it will come. I hate death. Not so much because it snatches away loved ones from but because when God created life in the beginning, death wasn't in the equation. We were made to live, not die, but sin ruined all of that. Death makes me hate sin all the more.
2. God is good. In spite of all the tragedy that seems to surround us everyday, the one constant that we can rely on is the goodness of God. Oh, I know it doesn't seem that way when bad things happen and there may have been times where you were convinced that God was anything but good. Yet when we examine our day-to-day lives and we realize how God sustains us and meets our needs and answers our prayers and blesses us in spite of what we deserve, that's when we gain the proper perspective. God is indeed good and He grieves over the same frustrations and tragedies that almost devastate our souls.
3. Death does not have the final say. Death stings and it stings badly, but it does not win in the end. When God sent His Son Jesus, He came to defeat sin and conquer death. On the cross, Jesus forgave the sins of the world. When He rose from the grave, he told death to literally go to Hell. For those who place their faith in Jesus, this life is only the beginning. What awaits us when we pass from this earthly existence into the presence of God in heaven is what we are truly waiting for, for that is when life really begins.

Those words make sense and many of you believe them as I do. Yet still, the sting of death is hot and the pain is real. And that's the way it's supposed to feel. It hurts and it sucks. So allow me to leave you with a few suggestions on how to face the pain that death brings while also embracing the life that you were meant to live:

1. It's okay to cry. Pain is, well, painful and it touches us to the depths of our emotions. So go ahead and cry and get it all out. It's okay. God created your emotions and that's what they are there for.
2. Don't go at it alone. We were all made to live in community with each other, not be Lone Rangers. As you struggle to understand why these things happen to people that you love and care about, choose to struggle together. Be with your friends, sit around and talk and laugh at the good memories, cry on each others' shoulders, and enjoy being together. We are always better together.
3. Take advantage of the simple things. A simple wave at a friend or even an acquaintance always means something. Smile at people. Take time to watch the clouds as they roll by on a sunny day. Walk barefoot. Stop to chat even when you're in a hurry. Think about what you say before you say it. Call or text a friend you haven't seen or heard from in awhile. Ferris Bueller said it best: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.
4.  Seek after God with everything you've got. Remember, as awesome as this world can be, you were created for so much more than this life can possibly offer you. Jesus came that we might have life and life to the fullest, so seize every opportunity to connect with God and live in awe of your Creator. Pray to God and give Him your needs, go to church or youth group, take time out of your busy day to the read the Bible, enjoy the fellowship of other Christians. Do all of this in anticipation of much greater things to come.

Life is precious and life is sweet. Don't miss it.

Compassion is more than just a fancy word

Compassion. This is a word that is not foreign to any of us. We know what it means, or at least we think we know what it means. The word compassion comes from the Latin word compati which means "to suffer with." This means that if you have compassion on someone, then you are there suffering with them. Not from a distance or by throwing money at a cause, but right there with them. This makes compassion personal, real, difficult at times.

As I write this my oldest daughter is in the hospital in Winston-Salem getting treatment for a pretty nasty flare up of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). As I've watched her struggle through pain this weekend, it's been necessary to muster all the compassion that I can for her. Not because I don't care, but rather because I personally don't have JRA and I often don't know how to suffer with her. Yes, I can show sympathy and tell her that I care, but compassion is more than that. It's intensely personal.

Simply put, compassion is more than words. It's a coming alongside of someone and connecting with them through ugly situations in their life. It's getting dirty and not worrying about how bad the stains you receive are going to be and if they will wash out. Compassion has more to do with being unable to go any further until you've done all that you can do to meet a need. It stops you in your tracks and won't allow you to look the other way.

In Matthew 14, Jesus had compassion on a large crowd that had gathered to hear Him preach. His concern for these men and women was that they had been there with Him all day in a desolate place where there was no food for them to eat. It wasn't like they could call Domino's and order a pizza. Jesus' disciples saw what was happening and suggested that He send the people away to their own homes so that they could grab a bite to eat before it got too late, but Jesus had other things in mind. To Jesus, compassion meant owning the suffering of others, not merely offering a solution. Instead of giving this crowd good advice, He gave them something to eat. In that moment, He fed over 5,000 people with only two fish and five loaves of bread. Jesus could have sent them home. Instead, He gave all that He could give.

Look around you. How many needs do you see on a daily basis? Have you ever thought, "Man, I hope those people get the help they need"? Or maybe you've said something like, "I'm praying for you and I'm here if you need me." None of these things are inherently wrong, but they also aren't compassion unless we do what we can to meet those needs.

Compassion could be quitting your job and relocating to a low income neighborhood to run an after school center for troubled kids. Compassion might be sitting for hours with a grieving friend as they mourn the loss of loved one, crying with them and listening to their pain. Compassion is pulling alongside a student whose parents don't invest in him and giving him guidance and encouragement so that he can believe in himself and succeed. And compassion is what keeps you up at night, unable to sleep until you have figured out a way to meet the financial need of a neighbor who just lost her job.

But how much can I really do? I mean, I don't have much money to give and I've got a family of my own to care for! Those are honest concerns, yet compassion goes beyond them because compassion doesn't merely ask what can I do, but rather compassion asks, "What am I WILLING to do?" It's not how much you give but rather your willingness to give in the first place.

The pain is real. And so is the solution.

The stories I hear are gut wrenching. A high school student whose parents are MIA in her life. A young man who has never been told that he was good enough or smart enough. Accounts of students who spend days and nights alone at home while their parents are out drinking and getting high. In other cases there are students who live with relatives or neighbors because their families can't or won't support them.

While the individual stories may differ, the results are the same. I see teenagers every day who are hurting because they simply do not know where to turn in their lives. Whether it is their parents who have neglected them, friends who have betrayed them, or relationships that have left them feeling dirty and worthless, there is a generation of young people crying out, and their pain is very real.

Yes, I've seen the drama that occurs in the lives of middle and high school students. Many times the bark is where worse than the actual bite. Feelings get hurt all the time, especially when you are at the age where you are trying to figure out who you are as your life (and your body) goes through immense changes. But often the outer drama reveals an inner hurt that has been left to fester for too long.

It's easy to keyhole this generation as one who feels entitled to things and has no concept of hard work. All they've ever known are iPhones and technology, so aren't they to blame for their lack of relationship and coping skills? Maybe they do share some of the burden, yet when their emptiness is real and the voids are deep, they may have no other option than to sink within themselves.

I sometimes substitute teach at the local middle and high schools in my town. Since I am also a youth pastor, I get to see lots of students on their turf that otherwise I may never get a chance to influence. It wasn't long ago when I subbed for a teacher who had one class that was particularly trying. It seemed as if the school rounded up all of the students with discipline problems and placed them in this one class at the end of the school day. One girl in particular stood out as sort of the ring leader of the chaos. She was little rough around the edges and based on what I had heard from some of the other students, her reputation was not so stellar. So, I called her up to my desk so that we could have a little chat.

She sheepishly approached me, perhaps thinking that I was going to give her a pink slip and send her to the office. But instead I began to ask her questions about herself. What do you want to be when you get older? Tell me about your dreams and your goals. Instantly there was a glimmer in her eye and she shared with me that she wanted to be cardiac surgeon so that she could help people. Honestly, I would have never guessed that in a million years based on her behavior and her grades (which she freely shared with me weren't that good). But instead of telling her to be more realistic, I encouraged her to pursue that dream whatever it took. "I can tell by talking to you that you are very smart and that you might be selling yourself a little bit short. I'll bet that if you buckle down and try your hardest, you can reach that goal. I believe in you."

What happened next was so cool. She paused for a moment with an astonished look on her face and then asked, "Do you really think so?" I told her that I did and that I was excited to see how she progressed the next few years of school. This young lady blushed and said thanks, and then walked back to her desk with her head held a little higher. I can't say that she was an angel for the rest of the class period, but I do know that those positive words that I was able to speak to her made her believe in herself a little bit more.

This world is filled with young people (and many older ones) who feel as if no one believes in them or that they are not good enough. One of my goals is to make sure that these people know that they matter, especially to God. Jesus didn't come to die so that we could feel better about ourselves. No, He died to save us from our sins and a future destined for ruin and to connect us with God. It's great to believe in yourself, but it's even better when you believe what God says about you - that He loves you, cares for you, and has greater plans for your life than you could possibly imagine.

So the next time you encounter students who looks like their future is headed nowhere, take some time to talk to them. You might be surprised what their life goals and dreams are. And, you won't want to miss out on an opportunity to speak truth and encouragement into their lives. But most of all, love them as God loves them. They need to know that their lives and their dreams matter.