For the past 3+ years I've had the privilege of teaching a young couples class at my church. We've covered countless topics on marriage and along the way I've read some great books by some wise and gifted authors and teachers who are experts on the subject. All of that has inspired me to do a blog series on preparing for marriage, gleaning bits and pieces from the mountain of information that I've gathered. Premarital counseling is too important to ignore!
The Arena of Faith
Let's say that you have found Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect and you are ready to take that next step in life together in marriage. You love everything about him/her. You can't stand being apart. You get the tingles when he/she walks in the room. This is a match made in heaven, right? How could this be wrong?
Before you send out wedding invitations you must dig further than just physical attraction and connectedness. You must ask questions of faith. If you are a follower of Christ, there is no more important prerequisite for you future partner than that he/she also be a follower of Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 sternly reminds us that we are not to be unequally yokes with an unbeliever. The picture of marriage drawn for us is of two people going in two different directions because they are being guided by opposite spiritual forces. Here are some questions that must be asked and answered about faith and spiritual issues before you tie the knot:
Do you share the same faith in Christ? I say "same faith" because it's important to differentiate a relationship with Christ from just going to church. Church attendance is important but it does not equal a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And evangelism by marriage is an awful difficult way to lead someone to Christ.
Are you in agreement of where you will worship together? This is a bigger deal than you might think. My wife and I had several serious discussions about this before we were married. I loved the church where I attended and she was very attached to where she worshiped. We knew that we had to make a decision that both of us could agree upon. If you don't make a prayerful decision prior to marriage then the "my church" vs. "your church" argument usually won't have a pleasant resolution. Take a close look at your preferred churches and seek to worship and plug in where the two of you will grow the most spiritually and as a couple, not because it's where momma and daddy go. If you can't agree on "his" church or "her" church, then pick a totally different church where you can attend together, one that doesn't come with a large emotional price tag.
Groom, are you prepared to be the spiritual leader? Ephesians 5:25 tells men that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus died for the church and gave His all so that His church could be healthy and grow. Men, this is also your responsibility with your wives. Too often women are the ones who become the spiritual and moral compass for their families. This does not mean that the woman's opinion is less than that of the man; what it does mean is that the man has a God-given responsibility to lead his family in a Christlike way. Settle for yourselves now personal and moral issues so that you will not bring in excess baggage to your marriage and so you will be fit to lead your wife and family.
How are the two of you growing in Christ together? Bad habits are hard to break once you are married and good habits are easier to maintain. Begin now to forge the spiritual disciplines that will buttress your marriage especially during trying times. If you don't already do so have regular prayer time together, study the Bible together, talk freely and openly about spiritual issues, share struggles and successes with each other. The spiritual disciplines that you embrace now will only strengthen your marriage later.
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